The Self-Aware Parent Two: 23 More Lessons for Growing With Your Children (The Self Aware Parent)

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This is how we manifest our limitless potential. Express joy, optimism and gratitude through our words, thoughts and actions. These values define the manner in which our staff and volunteers all across the country interact with others. They are the spirit that drives the organization and we see these values coming to life in our curriculum, our training programs and our daily operations.

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We see them in the individual actions of our staff, volunteers, girls, alumni and parents as well. Many brought our core value of standing up for ourselves and others to life by participating in the marches held all across the country last month. We all need positive role models and it was inspirational to see countless members of our Girls on the Run family embodying this value in such a unifying way. This unity aligns with our core value of embracing our differences and finding strength in our connectedness.

The national growth of the Girls on the Run movement is key evidence of finding strength in our connectedness. However, as we witness the growing divide in our country, how can we effectively encourage embracing differences with others? Bridging this division is critical to ending the oppression and misogyny that have always been a part of our world history. With respect, empathy and resolve, we must remain steadfast in our commitment to building a world where all girls can know and activate their limitless potential.

When I'm with friends my age, we talk about how we wish we could have been happier, more aware, and more present when our children were younger. The Self-Aware Parent can help parents of any age learn how. The essays in this book are Adams' personal experiences written over the course of six years--and she wants to share them with others. They focus on self-care, shifting attention to what is working, respecting a child's individuality, practicing self-awareness, and being a role model. Here are some highlights: It's a lifelong commitment that requires you to work through challenges and be aware of what you bring to the relationship you create with your children.

Their set point is joy and if you pay attention, they can help you return to that state of mind. Remember "discipline" comes from the word "disciple," which means "to teach. Part of your job as a parent is to notice your children's skills and potential.

Tensions in the Parent and Adult Child Relationship: Links to Solidarity and Ambivalence

If you don't, who will? Instead of focusing on who you want them to be, let them tell you who they are--your children are not an extension of you. Don't put your hopes and dreams on your children, you must allow them to find their own. They need to be held and kept safe, but they also need freedom to become who they are meant to be. It's a delicate balance and it is the definition of unconditional love. If you begin to focus your attention on strengths and cherish the moments, you will have more moments to cherish.

I personally found something on every page that made me want to go back and start over with my children. I'll just have to use this new found knowledge on my grandchildren. See all 13 reviews. Most recent customer reviews. Published on August 18, Published on June 21, Published on December 14, Published on November 14, Published on November 4, Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers.

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Get fast, free shipping with Amazon Prime. Your recently viewed items and featured recommendations. View or edit your browsing history. Get to Know Us. English Choose a language for shopping. Amazon Music Stream millions of songs. Relationship tensions have to do with fundamental dyadic interaction problems. Thus, it makes intuitive sense that relationship tensions would have greater implications for overall negative opinions about the relationship. It is possible that these tension topics are detrimental because they represent longstanding tensions that are difficult to change.

Indeed, researchers have found that negative childhood experiences are associated with ambivalent feelings in adulthood Willson et al. Researchers have also found that unsolicited advice is associated with less regard for one another in the mother-daughter relationship Fingerman, These more global relationship tensions may have broad influences on how parents and children view one another in general which may eventually have implications for support exchange, health, and well-being.

The finding in the present study that individual tensions predicted lower relationship quality is consistent with research findings regarding ambivalence in the parent-child relationship. These studies examined links between structural variables e. The individual tensions in this study may reflect parents' worries and irritations regarding their children's progress as adults. This study takes these findings a step further and indicates that parents and adult children who report these tensions also report more ambivalence and less affective solidarity. It is interesting that individual tensions appear to be less detrimental for relationship quality than relationship tensions.

It may be that parents and children are less likely to communicate their irritations regarding individual tensions. For example, parents may experience irritations regarding their children's finances or education that they never communicate and thus these problems are less detrimental to the relationship overall. It is also possible that these tensions are less detrimental because they reflect worries or concerns for one another rather than fundamental relationship problems. There are several limitations that should be addressed in future studies.

This sample is somewhat unusual and may be highly functional because the majority of parents were still married to one another and willing to participate in an extensive survey. Thus, although we sought to develop a more comprehensive assessment of tensions, we may have underrepresented families that are less functional and that may experience more severe tensions such as neglect, abuse, chemical dependency, and psychological disorders.

It is also unclear from the cross-sectional design whether relationship quality ambivalence, affective solidarity predicts changes in tension intensity or the reverse and future studies should examine these associations over time. Future work should consider the implications of tensions for both indirect and direct assessments of ambivalence. Finally, further research should assess the types of coping strategies used in response to tensions. For example, some parents and adult children may avoid discussing a particular tension whereas others may argue. This study advances the field by examining perceptions of tension topics among mothers, fathers, and adult children and the implications of those tensions for affective solidarity and ambivalence.

This study is also highly unusual due to the large number of African American families included. The majority of studies in the family literature have only included European Americans. Thus, our findings are more generalizable to a diverse population. This study demonstrates the importance of considering multiple perspectives of relationships.

Topics of Tension in the Parent and Adult Child Relationship

Parents and adult children who are in the same relationship have different perceptions of the causes of tensions and those perceptions may have differential implications for relationship quality. Tensions are associated with greater ambivalence and lower affective solidarity.

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It is important for researchers and practitioners to be aware that the perceptions of tensions vary between families, within families, and within person in regards to different relationships. This study also indicates that structural and developmental variations in tensions depend widely on the topic of tension and that certain topics of tension may be more harmful to the relationship than others.

These findings have important implications due to the long-lasting and far-reaching effects of the parent-child relationship on well-being, health, and support. Next steps include examining how parents and adult children cope with tensions and the implications of those tensions for relationship quality over time. We would also like to thank Kristina Hartman and Nicole Frizzell for their assistance with manuscript preparation and Brady West for his assistance with the statistical models.

The following manuscript is the final accepted manuscript.

It has not been subjected to the final copyediting, fact-checking, and proofreading required for formal publication. It is not the definitive, publisher-authenticated version. The American Psychological Association and its Council of Editors disclaim any responsibility or liabilities for errors or omissions of this manuscript version, any version derived from this manuscript by NIH, or other third parties.

The published version is available at http: National Center for Biotechnology Information , U.

Author manuscript; available in PMC Jun 1. Birditt University of Michigan. Miller and Karen L. Lefkowitz Pennsylvania State University. Correspondence should be addressed to Kira S. The publisher's final edited version of this article is available at Psychol Aging. See other articles in PMC that cite the published article. Abstract Tensions are normative in the parent and adult child relationship, but there is little research on the topics that cause the most tension or whether tensions are associated with overall relationship quality.

The Power of Self-Awareness

Topics of Tension in the Parent and Adult Child Relationship Broadly defined, interpersonal tensions are irritations experienced in social ties. Perceptions of Tensions by Generation, Gender, and Age Developmental schisms and the tensions that result from them may vary by structural and developmental contexts. Implications of Tensions for Affective Solidarity and Ambivalence Tensions most likely have implications for relationship quality.

Present Study The present study sought to contribute to the intergenerational relationship literature in several ways. This study examined two questions: Table 1 Characteristics of the Sample. Open in a separate window. Ambivalence As is common in the emerging literature pertaining to ambivalence Fingerman et al. Generation, gender, and age Generation and gender of parent included four categories: Analysis Strategy Because the data included multiple respondents within the same family i. Results Results are presented in three sections. Descriptives We calculated descriptive statistics to provide an overall picture of the intensity of tensions aggregated across parents and adult children.

Tension Topics by Generation, Gender and Age of Adult Child We used two-level multilevel models to examine whether the intensity of relationship and individual tensions varied by generation, gender, and age of adult child with two models: Covariates included ethnicity, self-rated health, and social desirability. Tensions, Affective Solidarity, and Ambivalence In the next analyses, we used two-level multilevel models to examine associations between relationship and individual tensions, affective solidarity, and ambivalence Table 4.

Discussion Using a unique sample of European and African American parent and adult child triads, this study supports the developmental schism hypothesis and contributes to the literature in several ways. Tensions by Generation, Gender and Age Parents and adult children in the same families had different perceptions of tension intensity. Tensions, Affective Solidarity and Ambivalence As hypothesized, relationship tensions were more highly associated with relationship quality than were individual tensions.

Limitations and Directions for Future Research There are several limitations that should be addressed in future studies. Negative interactions in close relationships across the life span. Gender stereotypes during adolescence: Developmental changes and the transition to junior high school. Solidarity, conflict, and ambivalence: Complementary or competing perspectives on intergenerational relationships?

Journal of Marriage and the Family. Generational differences and the developmental stake. Aging and Human Development. Intergenerational solidarity in aging families: An example of formal theory construction. Social roles and social participation. Relationship quality profiles and well-being among married adults. Journal of Family Psychology.

Age and gender differences in adults' descriptions of emotional reactions to interpersonal problems. Do we get better at picking our battles?

Age differences in descriptions of behavioral reactions to interpersonal tensions. Conflict in the development of close relationships.

Social exchange in developing relationships. Academic Press; New York: Types of conflict and tensions between older parents and adult children. Mother-child and father-child relationships in middle childhood and adolescence: Sociological ambivalence and family ties: Journal of Marriage and Family.

The family context of gender intensification in early adolescence. Sources of tension in the aging mother and adult daughter relationship. Aging mothers' and adult daughters' responses to interpersonal tensions in their relationships. Aging mothers and their adult daughters: A study in mixed emotions. Springer Publishers; New York: Ambivalent reactions in the parent and adult-child relationship. The adult family study.

Socialization in old age. Guilford Press; New York: Ambivalent relationship qualities between adults and their parents: Implications for both parties' well-being. Parent-child relations in later life: Trends and gaps in past research. Parenting across the lifespan. Aldine De Gruyter; New York: Sex differences within the family: Studies of adolescent and parent family interactions. Journal of Youth and Adolescence. The intensification of gender related role expectations during early adolescence. Biological and psychological perspectives.

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