Building Your Life From the Inside Out

How To Change Yourself From The Inside Out

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It includes your level of mental repose: If the realm of the inner life sounds unfamiliar or uncomfortable to you, this only emphasizes how much you - like most people - have lost touch with your inner self. You can become so depleted and stretched by dealing with your outer life that there's little time to tend to your mind, spirit or body.

Then, you identify your "self" mostly with who you are in that outer realm. And when there's little on the inner side of the scale, the outer part weighs you down.

Building Your Life from the Inside Out

You are unbalanced, unhappy and often sick. When your inner life is out of balance with your outer, you become more vulnerable to stress, and that's related to a wide range of physical damage. Research shows that heart attacks, stroke, hypertension, diabetes, a weakened immune system, skin disorders, asthma, migraine, musculoskeletal problems - all are linked to stress.

More broadly, when your inner and outer lives become unbalanced, your daily functioning is affected in a range of ways, both subtle and overt. When operating in the outer world - at work, for example, or in dealings with your spouse or partner - you may struggle with unjustified feelings of insecurity and fear.

You may find yourself at the mercy of anger or greed whose source you don't understand. You may be plagued with indecisiveness or revert to emotional "default" positions forged during childhood , such as submissiveness, rebellion or self-undermining behavior. Even when you're successful in parts of your outer life, neglecting the inner remains hazardous to your psychological and physical health. Without a developed inner life, you lose the capacity to regulate, channel and focus your energies with awareness, self-direction and judgment.

Personal relationships can suffer, your health may deteriorate and you become vulnerable to looking for new stimulation from the outer-world sources you know best - maybe a new "win," a new lover , drugs or alcohol. And that pulls you even more off-balance, possibly to the point of no return.

The extreme examples are people who destroy their outward success with behavior that reflects a complete disengagement from their inner lives - corporate executives led away in handcuffs for indulging in ill-gotten gains, self-destructive sports stars overcome by the trappings of their outer-life successes, political leaders whose flawed personal lives destroy their credibility, clerics who are staunch moralists at the pulpit but sexual predators or adulterers behind closed doors. These are our modern-day counterparts of Shakespearian characters like Macbeth or Coriolanus, whose "outer" lives are toppled over by unconscious aims, destructive arrogance or personal corruption.

Of course, most people want to function well in the outer, material world. Doing so is part of a successful adult life. But what you choose to go after in work and life often reflects values and behavior that you've been socially conditioned into through your family and society.

Much of that can be hard to see because you're immersed in it. What gets lost along the way is what your inner life might tell you about the consequences and value of what you pursue in your outer life. Learning To Rebalance But there's good news: Reframing your challenge from trying to balance work and home to balancing your inner and outer lives will help you build overall health, internal well-being and resilience in your pursuit of outer life success. That is, servicing your inner life builds healthy, positive control over your life - mastery and self-directed action, not suppression or rationalization.

A stronger inner life creates a solid moral core and harmonizes your inner and outer selves. It informs your choices and actions by providing the calm and centeredness essential for knowing what demands or allures of the outer world you want to go after, or let pass; and how to deal with the consequences of either. For example, clarifying which of the personal commitments, career goals and relationships you want or don't want. Whether this job or career is what you really desire, despite the money it pays or what people tell you that you should want.

And, whether you believe that your relationship gives you and your partner the kind of positive, energized connection you want and need. In short, a strengthened inner life brings your "private self" and your "public self" into greater harmony. That's the foundation you need for dealing with the stress-potential of outer world choices and conflicts; for knowing how and why you're living and using your energies out there in the ways that you do. With a robust inner life you feel grounded and anchored.

You know who you are and what you're truly living for. Your inner life builds a state of heightened self-awareness and wholeness; a "heart that listens," as King Solomon asked for. Finding The Gaps Brad was a financial consultant, noticeably underdeveloped in his inner life.

One day he came face-to-face with a classic inner-vs. For him, that triggered an important awakening. He was debating whether to leave an out-of-town meeting early, which would create some difficulties, in order to be at home for his daughter's 18th birthday. I asked him the simplest question: Which choice would he be more likely to feel good about at the end of his life?

Learning to live in the moment is a process. What's one item you could remove from your to do list in order to spend a few minutes being mindful? But this can typically be the hardest time to be mindful. Maybe a co-worker accidentally deleted your report or your spouse said something insensitive that really hurt you. While this solution might seem helpful at first, the fact is that this approach is often harmful to your relationships. Instead, it can be helpful to deal with your frustrations and problems by staying mindful. Often, we want our emotions to be heard, so start by acknowledging how you feel.

Take a few deep breaths. Acknowledge other emotions you feel bubbling to the surface like overwhelm, anger, sadness, jealousy, etc.

TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE FROM THE INSIDE OUT

Where are these emotions coming from? Are they linked to something that happened recently? You just attributed those emotions to the coffee spill. When your frustration or problem has to do with someone else, think about it carefully before you decide to confront them.

The Art Of Mindful Living

Can you explain how they feel? Are you willing to step in their shoes for just a moment to look at this situation from their perspective? Sometimes, a frustration or problem comes along that can be handled easily. Ask yourself if you can change the situation. Ask yourself what your choices are and which one is the best response.

If you have a coach or mentor you can contact, you should do that. Ask for guidance on how to tackle this problem. Often a coach or mentor can provide a fresh perspective that can help you look at the situation in a new way. Instead, acknowledge that you could have dealt with the situation differently and move on. What happened the last time you dealt with a frustration or problem without being mindful?

Are you happy with those results?

Thinking back to this incident, how could you have handled it differently by practicing mindful living? But for some people, the concept of mindful living is hard. They want to begin living more mindfully. It might be coffee, tea, or a refreshing smoothie. Before you take your first sip of the day, pause.

What does it smell like? What is the temperature like? What flavors do you taste against your tongue? Notice how the cup feels in your hand as you take another sip. Swallow slowly and concentrate on how your muscles contract as your liquid travels down your esophagus. Feel the breeze on your skin and in your hair. Do you hear any birds singing? What birds are they? What flowers do you see? What thoughts are coming up? How do they make you feel? Take ten minutes to notice your environment as you walk. If you want, take a friend on your nature walk but agree to go in silence.

Bring a camera and a notebook. Snap pictures of items that stand out. Write down what made them stand out. Is it the color or the texture that attracted your attention? Did you notice a shape or pattern? Was there a sound or smell that attracted you to this item?

Sit in your most comfortable chair and play some background music that relaxes you. Classical music is a good choice. You can also look for spa music on YouTube. As you listen, focus on your breath. Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Take deep belly breaths. Allow the thoughts to come and go without trying to hold too tightly to them.

From this view, we give ourselves the gift of truly seeing the exquisite person that lives within. The beautiful thing about guiding our lives from this place, is that it's something everyone can do. There isn't a magic book or manual for getting to experience life in this way. It is just a matter of putting our attention there and choosing to see the moments before us through this lens. Here are 3 simple reminders to connect back in to the amazing person you are. Perhaps they may entice you to see what the view is like from within. The great news is we are always here, and therefore we have endless opportunities to connect to our inner spirit.

I am coming to understand that less is more when it comes to connecting inward. It doesn't require special training, it's not something we need permission to do. Be still, remove the noise and there you will be. Well, you'll be there in the noise or the quiet.

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