Youve Got to Be Believed to Be Heard: The Complete Book of Speaking . . . in Business and in Life!


Be gentle but firm. With all those handouts in their grasp, everybody was too busy reading to listen to the speaker. If you want to be memorable and persuasive, the primary variable is your behavior. End your presentation on a high note. Remove the "ums" and "ahs". Step out from behind the protective barrier of the lectern, and walk boldly to the center of the stage. Standing on the edge of the stage, moving easily from one side of the room to the other, he looked directly at each person in the room, his eyes communicated with each individual.

He stood tall and smiled easily. He gestured comfortably and confidently as he moved easily across the platform.

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His voice rose and fell dynamically, sometimes to underscore a point, sometimes to rivet attention, sometimes to convey emotion. The eye is the only sensory organ that contains brain cells. It is the visual sense which dominates all of the senses. The language of the first brain is a visual language. The eye factor dominates. Eye communication is your number one skill. It ranks first because it has the greatest impact in both one-on-one communications and large group communications. It literally connects mind-to-mind.

Good eye communication is more than just a glance. You are actually looking at an individual - making a first brain-to-first brain connection - when you genuinely communicate with your eyes. Use involvement rather than intimacy or intimidation. For effective eye communication, count to five. A feeling of involvement requires about five seconds of steady eye contact. When we talk to another person and are excited, enthusiastic, and confident, we usually look at them for five to ten seconds before looking away. Push for longer eye communication - beyond your comfort zone - for it's too easy to revert back to "short" eye-contact habits unless you work at it.

Beware of eye dart. Contact eyes, not faces. Look at people for four, five of six seconds. The difference between towering and cowering is totally a matter of inner posture.

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It's got nothing to do with height, it costs nothing and it's more fun. Dress for success, but the most powerful visual first impressive you make comes not from your clothes but from your posture. Confidence is best expressed through good, upright posture. How you hold yourself physically is an indicator of how you hold yourself mentally - and a decisive factor in how other regard you.

Stand with your shoulders back and your stomach in. Imagine a string from above tied to the center of your scalp and pulling you upward. Stand straight, but not starchy, and move naturally. Remain fluid rather than locked into a rigid position. Watch your lower body.

The second part of posture that often gets neglected is the lower part. Get in the "Ready Position". The ready position means basically weight forward. Lean slightly forward, knees somewhat flexed, so you can bounce lightly on the balls of your feet. Lean forward to give yourself more impact. Just make sure you move as you speak.

Movement adds energy and variety to your message and imbues you with an aura of confidence. When talking to a group, move naturally - a few steps at a time rather than just a single tentative one-step. With eye communicating motivating you, take natural steps toward one person, pause as you complete your thought, then move on to another set of eyes. Beware of repetitive and mechanical movement though - it can be worse than standing still.

Movement is a reflection of energy, excitement and enthusiasm. After posture, the most immediate visual impression we make on our listener's first brain is that of our dress and appearance. Our goal is to enable the listener to feel a comfortable sense of identification with us. The impression others receive from you is largely influenced by the way you groom yourself from the neck up. Test out your first two seconds.

People form their first and often lasting impressions of you in the first two seconds after meeting you. Those impressions are primarily from your dress and appearance.

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Open gestures and a warm open smile. Your smile dominates your listener's impression as you communicate. It demonstrates openness and likability. Keep your hands and arms relaxed at your side when you are at rest. Learn to smile under pressure. Cultivate the same natural smile when you're on the hot seat as when you are at ease among friends. Find your nervous gesture and stop making it. Your hands should fall naturally to your sides when you are not emphasizing an idea or point.

It's virtually impossible for you to over-exaggerate. Don't worry about overdoing it.

Book Review: You’ve Got to Be Believed to Be Heard (Bert Decker)

Without pause he flashed the first slide on the screen, strode across the stage, and used his pointer to bang against the screen, making his points. He roamed the stage like a restless tiger. Good persuasive communication is driven by energy. Your voice is the vehicle of your message. Learn to drive that vehicle like a Lamborghini. Push it, open it up, "Floor it"! Transmit the energy you have inside you through the vehicle of your voice! Make your voice naturally authoritative. Work on bringing it down into a lower register. People associate a rich well-projected voice with authority and competence.

Visualize your voice as a roller coaster: How do you put a smile into your voice? If you feel happy, excited and enthusiastic, let your voice show it. Learn to project your voice. Practice varying your pitch. Practice varying your pace. A good way to drain the energy factor out of communication is through a bad habit I call nonwords.

Paint intense, colorful word pictures by using metaphors and vivid expressions. You must be aware of nonwords that obstruct your message. They make you appear hesitant, uncertain, incompetent. Use the power of the "pause". The planned pause can be one of your most dynamic communication tools. You can pause for as long as three or four seconds, right in the middle of a sentence - and it will not only seem perfectly natural to your listener, it will give extra punch to your message.

Exercises in pausing probably have the second biggest and most immediate payoff in your communications effectiveness - eye communication is number one. Use samples and gimmicks. Humor creates a special bond between you and your listeners. It's virtually impossible to dislike someone who makes us laugh, who helps us enjoy ourselves. It makes you appear more genial, more warm, more likable. Leave comedy to comedians. Fun is better than funny. Your goal is not comedy but connection - creating an atmosphere of fun, friendliness and openness.

You want to put your listeners at ease. A warm genuine smile always works. How to test a hunch. Don't trust your first impression. Don't make a decision until you take a second look. Compare your hunch with the objective facts. Never substitute hunching for doing your homework. Never confuse a hunch with hope. Real communication is always a two-way process. The irony is that in order to get people to really listen to you, you have to listen to them. And I mean really listen.

Listen when they talk. Listen when they ask a question. When you open your gate, you open your listener's gate. Grow antennae, not horns.

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Because a company is made up of real people, and real people need real communication. They need feedback, interaction, and attention. We need to listen with our eyes. Make a mental list. Respond at the emotional level. Use warmth, a smile. Respond with positive words. Let another person talk. You invite them to talk.

You've Got to Be Believed to Be Heard: The Complete Book of Speaking...In Business and in Life!

You find ways to draw them out. Mastery comes from doing, pure and simple. Not bad This book stated the obvious in many public speaking situations, but it was the obvious things that I needed reminded of. Overall, a good read. Aug 17, Anna rated it liked it Shelves: I had an older edition so a few things mentioned were outdated, hopefully this has changed inthe more recent editions. Are some helpful notes it but itwas too wordy.

I'd say it could have beed pages shorter. There was quite a bit of rambling. Before your message can even get to the New Brain, it must first pass by the First Brain. For that to happen, you must connect emotionally. Decker asserts that communication and leadership are intimately linked. He clearly reasons that to effectively communicate is to be a leader; to be a leader is to effectively communicate. Decker is not unique here.

Book Review: You've Got to Be Believed to Be Heard (Bert Decker)

I, too, hold the belief that communication and leadership are joined at the hip. However, Decker is so persuasive on this point that, as I was reading, I began to wonder whether leadership and communication are actually the same thing. Are they really separate concepts at all?

While the first half of the book is somewhat theoretical, the second half is packed with practical tips for speechwriting and delivery.

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These tips can be found in other books or blogs, in one form or another. The great value here is descriptions offered by Decker, and the relationships he makes between them and the concepts introduced earlier in the book. For example, Decker offers insights into public speaking fear drawn from the First Brain concepts. Bert Decker is the CEO of Decker Communications , a communications training company that has worked with hundreds of thousands of executives, managers, and salespeople in the past 30 years.

This is THE book on presentation that you have been looking for: If you learn the contents it will literally improve your life. I received a copy of this book for review. This article is one of a series of public speaking book reviews featured on Six Minutes. Subscribe to Six Minutes for free to receive future book reviews. Decker is at giving negative feedback. I mean, he is awesome at it. It never ceases to amaze me just how willing he is to teach.

2. Communication = Leadership ?

I believe that many of the folks buying Presentation Zen and Slide: The showy stuff slides only help if the fundamentals are solid. This book will help those of us who work at it gain those fundamentals. Public speaking book review: I do love that book. Time to read this again! Subscribe - It's Free!

3. Speechwriting and Delivery Tips Abound!

Read our permissions policy , privacy policy , or disclosure policy. Six Minutes Speaking and Presentation Skills. Your guide to be a confident and effective speaker. Now I know why. Emotion and the First Brain The first half of the book establishes the case that effective communicators Decker describes these as New Communicators understand the importance of emotion in the communications process. Andrew Dlugan is the editor and founder of Six Minutes. He teaches courses, leads seminars, coaches speakers, and strives to avoid Suicide by PowerPoint.