Contents:
That leads me to the third thing you could do to stop being bothered by what others think of you: The Catholics have a nifty way of getting rid of unproductive embarrassment and shame: But what if you are not lucky enough to be Catholic? Well, you can practice what researchers call attentional control. Attentional control is what it sounds like: It involves practicing the ability to direct your attention to those things on which you wish to focus, and away from those things on which you do not wish to focus. Perhaps the best way to practice attentional control is through mindfulness.
Although mindfulness does not work for everyone , it is still a very powerful way of developing attentional control, as I can attest from personal experience. The one downside to mindfulness is that it can take quite long—a few weeks at least—to start seeing progress. But I think the time is well worth it, and the sooner you begin, the better off you are. Another side-benefit of mindfulness is that you develop greater self-awareness, which can be useful in preventing self-delusion.
But what type of action should you take to focus your attention away from what others are thinking of you? I would suggest doing those things that help you nurture your other-centered—kind and compassionate—side. Do a random act of kindness. Or write a letter of gratitude.
Or, do those things that get you into what Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls flow. Worrying too much about what others think of you can be debilitating. And doing these three things—1 operating more consistently from other-centeredness, 2 recognizing that hurt people hurt people, and 3 developing attentional control—can help you overcome this tendency.
Interested in these topics? Of course it would be so if the testing instrument measures that as a contributing factor towards "happiness". Choosing "I choose not to be in a relationship" prevents you from getting full marks, even though you may very likely be a lot happier than those struggling along in "intimate relationships".
Don't ever worry about what people think of you.
A Anonymous Dec 29, Replies to my comment. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you. Caring about what others think Submitted by William Roberson on June 27, - How do I stop being so paranoid about other people and just live my life?
Learn to relax with not knowing what other people think of you. If someone need they can take read inspiration stories here http: I like the idea, but I've had it backfire much of my life. I'm confident and direct, but as a minister I get flack if I'm not doing enough to make people like me. In my position everyone around me really is evaluating me all the time. What do you do with that if you are not worrying what others think, but your job somewhat depends on caring what others think?
Thanks , Get More Architectural Solution here http: I saw a scene from the film "The Jungle Book. The sophisticated English men bump into him, trays topple over, and he looks like a fool. Some people lack social smarts and they're made to look like fools: Hi Raj, I understand your intentions are noteworthy. Lately there has been a tidal wave of courses to drown people on the topic of happiness.
When convenient, educators dust off the God of Research, for righteousness, yet when evidence to the contrary is submitted , the educational ostriches quickly bury there head. I feel comfortable in assuming that there are more than a few people who have been hurt by what might be termed viscous people, though I always preferred political philosopher, Hannah Arendt's of referring to people as thoughtless rather than stupid or viscous.
Raj, I will be glad to be your guinea pig because I disagree with present theories on happiness. I was told by a brilliant Social Worker some years ago that her Mom told her when she was a child: I've never forgotten it. I dont know why anyone would make such a comment. You are a sad and disturbed person who would likely benefit from Therapy. You missed out a vital part from 3 - when you realise you've screwed up and hurt someone, apologise!! It is the quickest and best only?
And it makes you a better, more humble person! When I was at Princeton, there were no fraternities. There were seventeen eating clubs. In order for an upperclassman to have a place to eat, he would have to be selected by one of these clubs in a process that was called bicker. Towards the end of sophomore year, all students had to dress up formally and wait in their rooms for representatives of these clubs to come calling—if they chose to come calling.
These visits were inspections, during which time the visitors would determine if particular students were desirable or not. I did not then—and do not now—think much about social status, but the atmosphere of social selectivity so permeated the school at that time that I was able to predict the exact ranking of all seventeen clubs as was determined by a research project that was conducted that year. Court club was at the bottom. And that was where I ended up. I understood that the criteria by which the students were chosen were not things that I valued especially.
I did not think I was charming, or especially attractive or appealing. I did not wear white buck shoes, and I did not have a crew cut. I would never have described myself as skilled in the social graces. I did not anticipate that I was likely to do well in bicker, but to be considered undesirabl e by sixteen of the seventeen clubs was hard to swallow. My roommate, who found himself in the same place, was especially upset.
He had been valedictorian of his high school class of , and president of the student body; and his descent into a social limbo was further and more precipitous than mine. He went around that first night railing against the unfairness of the process and refusing to accept his offer to come to Court—until he saw that there was no alternative, The whole thing had a bad effect on him; and knowing him ever since, I think some vestiges of that rejection were permanent.
Personally, I felt a lot better when I discovered that all my friends were also at Court. I had a great time the next two years. There were a small number of students who got no offers to join a club. Everyone knew who they were. They were assigned to different clubs by the administration.
He went on to a distinguished academic career as a mathematician. He was also an athlete, which I thought would have made him interesting to some of the clubs; but I was wrong. When everyone thinks ill of you—even if they are not necessarily people you admire—it is hard not to feel depressed.
But, in general, the opinion of strangers should not matter very much. What follows is a hierarchy of whose opinions should matter:. This is the way this works: I would feel distressed if my wife thought I had behaved disrespectfully to her—or to anyone else, for that matter.
I would feel concerned if a close friend thought I had behaved in such a way. If an acquaintance said something similar to me, I might stop briefly to think about it. If it was a stranger, I would not pay any attention, and I would have forgotten about the incident a few minutes later. If someone thinks you are a criminal , you will have to take heed. If someone thinks you are a pedophile , or an embezzler, or a terrorist, there will be repercussions that you cannot ignore.
But if a stranger thinks your hair is too long, or your laugh is too loud, you should not care. You should not bother to hide your political opinions from the others in your car pool, because it does not matter if they approve or not. In general, you should be able to say what you think without worrying about the impression you are making.
You should not have to stay indoors just because there is a stain on your shirt. And yet there are some people who wish to present themselves to the world as being without flaw—even without anything that anyone could construe as a flaw, or a failing, or a weakness.
We're all guilty. Every day from the moment we wake up, we live our lives caring what other people think of us. Most of us worry a little too much about what others think of us. We care so much about others because our happiness depends on the quality.
They wish to be impervious to criticism. They put in considerable effort into this pointless endeavor. I recommend speaking up, especially if you are one of those people who are excessively concerned about some symptom you have or some failing.
You cannot put these weaknesses in perspective unless you see that most people will accept you in spite of them. Most of the time they will not think twice about something that may have haunted you for years. Some people will disapprove of you, of course. No matter who you are, some people will disapprove. They are in the business of looking down on everyone. They judge everybody unfavorably because of their own emotional needs. They will consider some people not well-enough educated, or from the wrong background, or too something or other--not classy enough for them.
They are not worth paying attention to. It is possible to grow accustomed to this fact: Some people family members frequently have a vested interest in thinking you are deficient. They will think you are in the wrong no matter what you do. But others will take one look at you and approve. They will admire you for things you take for granted. Try to find these people. Neuman's blog at fredricneumanmd.
I found this in a school textbook. I found that quite interesting. I wish I would have known that during high school-I wouldn't have felt so self-conscious. I think it depends. Love it, when people make fun of me, criticized me and judgme, especially for my accent. I wouldn't worry to much, some times I would automatically be making fun of him for it, when actually which my closest friends i can speak openly and they know its with love not malice so Surely people's rankings of whose opinions matter more vary? I care more about what a particular close friend thinks than I worry about the opinion of one of my sisters, whom I have never been close to.
A spouse does not automatically have the most important opinions in the world by virtue of being a spouse. A colleague's opinions can, and often should, mean more than a boss' opinions.
I have come to realise that I care a lot more than I'd like to about what other people think - in fact my love-life has been greatly affected by it. I am in my late thirties and never married. In the past I have dated guys more based on their looks than anything else - it was in part because that was what attracted me, but the other payoff was the feeling of being special because I was with the hot guy. It is very shallow I know but it was important to me. I even accepted a lot of bad treatment in my twenties because I wanted to be associated with a cool crowd or to keep a boyfriend.
It took me a long time to connect that X is not a nice person because I would 'fall in love' very fast and in the end it would be the guy that would drop me instead of me breaking up with him - which would further erode my self-esteem. So now I am in a relationship with a man who wants to marry me.
The problem is, I am acutely aware when we are in public together that he isn't the conventionally good-looking guy. His friend, who I dated briefly before I started dating him, even asked me 'is this your type? I am too aware that people are judging me and us - but at the same time I've never been treated so well by a man so there is this back and forth weighing the good with the bad. Live by your values, express how you feel and share your opinion.
Self reliance is one of the best things you can work on. Do you need anyone to make you happy? Building a group of like minded people around you aids your growth. People who support you and people who can take you to that next level. You probably found this out when leaving school… You keep a few close friends but out of all of your friends from school you drift apart.
Take some inspiration from this old Dr Pepper advert. Would this really happen? She might not want to talk to you but who cares? Friends, family, your partner, co workers… who is it who makes you worry what they think? A common one, especially with younger men is their group of friends. Be honest with yourself, does it matter? Pinpoint who it is whose opinion you worry about and deal with it.
Trust Opinions Of A Few People Even though becoming completely self reliant and doing what you want to do in life is hugely important, having a network of people you can trust will aid your personal growth. Typically the people you trust and opinions you take on board should be your closest companions. Self reliant and selfish are two different things. Use this advice and start taking action on it now. I share my hard times to inspire your good times. Founder of MFM and soon to be published Author. You may also like.
What I Think of Anti-Depressants. Want to get exclusive access to my best content?
Don't be a stranger, add your email below and I'll keep you in the loop! Why Men Kill Themselves.