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In this article, I explain how she becomes disconnected from her essential self to please her mother and lives a life that is not her own.
Plastering on a beauty queen, camera-ready smile that functions more like a mask than an expression of joy. Why would you ask? There is no joy, nor ease in that smile. It is more militant than confident.
The smile is designed to keep you out rather than invite you in. If she could speak from behind her mask and let you know how she feels, she might say something like this:. I am always OK. You see growing up with my Mother there was no room for me to feel anything but ok. It always ends up being my fault.
My real self is buried here underneath this mask. I might look alive, but honestly, I feel dead inside.
The problem is, my true self is angry and out of control. So, I cut, exercise or starve myself to get her under control… to let off the pressure.
Sometimes it is enough to pull off good grades or get a job promotion. The trouble is when the good grades come in, or the job promotion is handed down, I feel like a fake. Success is only a stay of execution. I can never let my guard down completely.
If my teachers or boss could see behind my act, they would see what a loser I really am. They would know I eat a carton of ice cream and then go for a 5-mile run to stop the critics inside my head. Those friends who think I have it all together would see I measure whether or not it is a good or bad day or by the number that registers on my bathroom scale. So I hide behind this mask. Yet, it gets so lonely in here buried underneath this pretense of perfection.
B (If I Should Have a Daughter) Instead of “Mom”, she's gonna call me “Point B.” And “Baby,” I'll tell her “don't keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that. If I should have a daughter, instead of Mom, she's gonna call me Point B, / because that "And, baby," I'll tell her, "don't keep your nose up in the air like that .
Sometimes, I get so mad at her and feel resentful. But, after I calm down, I feel waves of guilt. She had a rough childhood , much rougher than mine, even though she hardly ever talks about it. When I ask questions, the look that comes over her face is enough to make me stop. I love your mother.
You and your brother are worth more to me than anything. My faith in God is the very ground I stand on, and being part of a faith community has made all the difference to this family. She was created to both live and love at capacity. That requires the very best.
Be honest about the way your love for her makes you cautious. Tell her you need her to reassure you sometimes. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Tell her you will always take her calls and listen when she needs to talk.
Only you know what to write here. But make sure you share from the bottom of your heart. If you have a moving story about your relationship to your own parents, offer it here.
Do you have a song that expresses something of your soul, quote it here. This is the time for authenticity. Subscribe to the Play of the Day for daily advice, videos and updates on how to be better dad. Sound Off What words from you mean a lot to your daughter? The Shelter Your Daughter Needs. Subscribe Subscribe to the Play of the Day for daily advice, videos and updates on how to be better dad.