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True creativity is allowing yourself to gain the loftiest perspective you can in relation to the object of your quandary or inquiry. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. I merely found two thousand ways not to make a lightbulb. But a moment is a long time, and thought is a painful process. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
The first method is far more difficult. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. Genius hits a target no one else can see. Genius must always have lapses proportionate to its triumphs.
Practice should always be based on a sound knowledge of theory. When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine your own self. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. We must make here a clear distinction between belief and faith, because, in general practice, belief has come to mean a state of mind which is almost the opposite of faith.
The believer will open his mind to the truth on the condition that it fits in with his preconceived ideas and wishes. Faith, on the other hand, is an unreserved opening of the mind to the truth, whatever it may turn out to be. Faith has no preconceptions; it is a plunge into the unknown. Belief clings, but faith lets go. In this sense of the word, faith is the essential virtue of science, and likewise of any religion that is not self-deception. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?
I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. Just as GOTO allows control to go anywhere, a variable allows data to go anywhere. Sometimes our actions are questions not answers. My beliefs I test on my body, on my intuitional consciousness, and when I get a response there, then I accept.
One should always try both directions of every problem. Prejudice has caused famous mathematicians to fail to solve famous problems whose solution was opposite to their expectations, even though they had developed all the methods required. IBM prolog had added a lot of OO extensions, when asked why he replied: Our customers wanted OO prolog so we made OO prolog.
As applied to software: Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into aliveness, alertness, and creativity. It means fear is no longer a dominant factor in what you do and no longer prevents you from taking action to initiate change.
If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into aliveness, alertness and creativity. Conventional opinion is the ruin of our souls, something borrowed which we mistake as our own. Ignorance is better than this; clutch at madness instead. Always run from what seems to benefit your self: Revile those who flatter you; lend both interest and principal to the poor. Let security go and be at home amidst dangers. Leave your good name behind and accept disgrace. The struggle of what one likes and what one dislikes is the disease of the mind.
Mysteries never open up for those who go on questioning. Questioners sooner or later end up in a library. Questioners sooner or later end up with scriptures, because scriptures are full of answers.
And answers are dangerous, they kill your wonder. You cannot have it in your fist. If you want to have it, you have to keep your hands open. Find your own light. If you are in a shipwreck and all the boats are gone, a piano top buoyant enough to keep you afloat may come along and make a fortuitous life preserver.
This is not to say, though, that the best way to design a life preserver is in the form of a piano top. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. The perfect way is only difficult for those who pick and choose. Do not like, do not dislike; all will then be clear. Make a hairbreadth difference, and Heaven and Earth are set apart. If you want the truth to stand clearly before you, never be for or against.
Gystso maybe for a post on FP. We tend to fixate on incorrect assumptions, and overlook the obvious, surprisingly frequently. Carefully explain the program to your dog. Since the dog knows nothing of programming, you must justify every statement you make. In the process you will often discover the mistake. I know it sounds weird, but it really does work! How we relate to it creates the future. What we do accumulates; the future is the result of what we do right now. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. To live is to be slowly born. The point is that the process is reversible. If one gets rid of these habits one can think more clearly, and to think clearly is a necessary first step toward political regeneration: We are not the only experiment. If you can control the meaning of words, you can control the people who must use the words. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
And the point is to live everything.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. One of them is to transcend reality by imagination, as I try to do. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life. Regularity chauvinists are people who insist that you have got to do the same thing every time, every day, which drives some of us nuts. Attention Deficit Disorder - we need a more positive term for that.
Hummingbird mind, I should think. For example, if I was going to teach arithmetic and I only knew about Roman numerals, you might get the idea that multiplication is extremely difficult. Given the idea of Arabic numerals it becomes a lot easier. If we took Roman numerals, the Romans have no way to express zero. If we have the wrong abstractions, we can make things which are intrinsically rather simple very difficult.
Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes.
Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. A Guide to Compassionate Living. It is because we dare not venture that they are difficult. It manifests as inquisitiveness, as adaptability, as humor, as playfulness. But such uncertainty lies at the very heart of human creativity. What if I embraced it? They simply have impotent goals that do not inspire them.
First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. The answer is surprising but clear. Because in our weakness, our familiar ways of controlling and manipulating our world are being stripped away, and we are forced to let go from doing much, thinking much, and relying on our self-sufficiency. Right there where we are most vulnerable, the peace that is not of this world is mysteriously hidden.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. It is not so interesting that every person is seeking pleasure, but it is most interesting to see how everyone is seeking his pain, looking out for it. So it is with the human soul. While the soul goes through pain, torture and trouble it thinks that it would have been much better if it had gone through life without it. But once it reaches the culmination of it then, when it looks back, it begins to realize why all this was meant: The immense fulfillment of the friendships between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality almost impossible to describe.
And it makes it practically impossible to argue about programs independently of their being executed. Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Brutality is not honest. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. The moment you try to free yourself from fear, you create resistance against fear. Resistance in any form does not end fear.
What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it, not how to resist it. Only your grievance about the past can do that. Knowledge is a love affair with answers. No feeling is final. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.
You may cheat yourself out of much of life. So aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something. A love where no one sacrifices to another, but grace is evoked through the sharing of deep vulnerability. It is rather the result of unhampered participation in a meaningful setting. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention….
A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. Some can avoid it. We must acquire serenity in all feelings and sensations about the future. We must look with absolute equanimity to everything that may come and we must think only that whatever comes is given to us by a world direction full of wisdom. It is part of what we must learn in this age, namely to live out of pure trust without any security in existence, trusting in the ever present help of the spiritual world. Truly nothing else will do if our courage is not to fail.
Let us discipline our will and let us seek the awakening from within ourselves every morning and every evening. People need to be given a chance to tune into themselves. Dialogue is a deep process. For me, this requires some quiet and inner peace — and some time for interaction. When you feel it, you move through to space, resolution and peace. So long as men are not trained to withhold judgment in the absence of evidence, they will be led astray by cocksure prophets, and it is likely that their leaders will be either ignorant fanatics or dishonest charlatans.
To endure uncertainty is difficult, but so are most of the other virtues. The opportunity for simplification is very encouraging, because in all examples that come to mind the simple and elegant systems tend to be easier and faster to design and get right, more efficient in execution, and much more reliable than the more contrived contraptions that have to be debugged into some degree of acceptability…. Simplicity and elegance are unpopular because they require hard work and discipline to achieve and education to be appreciated.
It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity. A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. It is a fact today that one in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest.
The youth of today are absolutely right in recognizing this nonsense of earning a living. We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery because, according to Malthusian-Darwinian theory, he must justify his right to exist. So we have inspectors of inspectors and people making instruments for inspectors to inspect inspectors.
The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before somebody came along and told them they had to earn a living. Much of the practical work done in computing, both in software and in hardware design, is unsound and clumsy because the people who do it have not any clear understanding of the fundamental design principles of their work. Much of this book was not relevant to my life because I don't have kids lots of stuff on dealing with kids or a negative body image and I, apparently, am not as much of a perfectionist as my family would have people believe.
It was also a bit redundant and boring, but had a few good tips on relaxtion and re-training the brain. Would recommend to individuals who I feel truely have an issue with perfectionism, but I'm not sure that I know anyone who does. Would not recommend the audio version to Much of this book was not relevant to my life because I don't have kids lots of stuff on dealing with kids or a negative body image and I, apparently, am not as much of a perfectionist as my family would have people believe.
Would not recommend the audio version to others The reader on the audio version is a bit annoying. View all 4 comments. Mar 03, Leah rated it it was amazing. Have you ever read a book and thought "They have totally got my number!
Well, this book is painfully accurate about my life. Co-written with a psychologist, this book starts out by addressing the social influences and pressures, especially on women beginning in the 's, to have everything perfect. It points out that media and consumer culture especially the culture of Martha and Rachaele Ray exists purely to sell us an image that is basically unachievable unless you also have scores of m Have you ever read a book and thought "They have totally got my number!
It points out that media and consumer culture especially the culture of Martha and Rachaele Ray exists purely to sell us an image that is basically unachievable unless you also have scores of makeup artists, set dressers, cooks, etc. Once the societal pressures are covered in the first few chapters, the following couple of chapters help identify whether you are a perfectionist, or essentially discover whether you're letting perfectionism affect your life and create anxiety and depression.
Here I check a big box for YES and ALSO YES After that, it introduces coping mechanisms, exercises, and a chapter-by-chapter examination of how perfectionism can play out in careers, scheduling, decisions, and relationships. I hate to use the term "eye-opening" but it really was. One of the best takeaways from this book is the point that everyone should be mindful of their priorities when making decisions.
When you are saying "yes" to one thing and agreeing to spend your time on it, you are saying "no" to spending your time on something else. And if the thing you're saying "no" to is more important to you, you need to spend more time making decisions to be able to really follow what you want. This may include turning down things that sound fun, or just essentially developing the habit of telling people that "you'll get back to them" in order to give yourself time to ruminate.
As someone who perpetually overextended herself, I find this incredibly important in re-evaluating how I make decisions. If you find yourself continually stressed about issues like housework and whether you're doing enough for your friends, then it would probably be a good idea to check out this book. I'm returning the library copy tomorrow! Jun 25, Shahna rated it really liked it. I want to go back and get my masters degree in the nest few years and specialize in counseling for women so that is why I read this book. Maybe someday I will write a paper about it-it was that good.
It has information in it to help most women who suffer from perfection deception - as it is coined in this book. I think we can all benefit from parts of it. She helps by offering tips on how to overcome anxiety, relax more, and let things go. I don't know that I have ever met a woman who didn't nee I want to go back and get my masters degree in the nest few years and specialize in counseling for women so that is why I read this book. I don't know that I have ever met a woman who didn't need to bea little easier on herself in some way or another.
Oct 27, Charity rated it it was ok. Maybe if this had been one of the first books I'd read about happiness, I might have a different opinion about it. I ended up skimming most of it. It was written in a casual, upbeat tone, began with a quiz, and was set up like a typical self-help book.
The recommendations in each chapter also seemed a bit repetitive. The book isn't bad, but as I seem to have moved into a more inside-out approach with my happiness project, the simple "try these 5 techniques" style of this book isn't really what I Maybe if this had been one of the first books I'd read about happiness, I might have a different opinion about it.
Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free from the Perfection All of us struggle with high expectations from time to time. .. It has information in it to help most women who suffer from perfection deception - as it is coined in .. Perhaps, because I feel the most control in these areas, I feel confident enough not to. Editorial Reviews. From Publishers Weekly. According to psychologist and Harvard Medical Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free from the Perfection Deception - Kindle edition by Alice D. Domar, Alice Lesch Kelly. If you feel trapped in any way by the need to have a perfect body, a perfect house, .
The book isn't bad, but as I seem to have moved into a more inside-out approach with my happiness project, the simple "try these 5 techniques" style of this book isn't really what I'm looking for. Nov 06, Maria McGrath rated it really liked it. I listened to this as an audiobook, read by the same woman who reads the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle stories to my kids. It was very helpful and gives great tips about cognitive restructuring and interesting quotes from real women, some who are still struggling, and some who have made big steps in the right direction.
Domar helped me understand perfectionist traits in myself and my offspring, but not in a condemning way. Feb 03, Summer rated it liked it.
From reading it I realized I am more of a procrastinator who gets down because she can't pull out of it Feb 23, Kristen rated it it was ok. The author's voice bugged me. Her views on stay-at-home parents seemed to have a little condescending undertones with the examples or generalizations she gave and I've been a working mom, part-time working mom, stay-at-home mom, and work part-time from home mom so I've been all of it.
Sep 18, Megan McBeath Hay rated it liked it. I fee as though 3 stars is overly harsh. This wasn't a bad book, but self-help books just have never been my thing. Also a lot of the suggestions, are great but not entirely practical sometimes the kiddos won't let you do a mini refresh no matter how you try. Anyway, if you're a perfectionist and recognize it and want to change it- this is a good book for I fee as though 3 stars is overly harsh.
Anyway, if you're a perfectionist and recognize it and want to change it- this is a good book for you, but you have to be already wanting to change for it to have an impact. Jul 18, Erin rated it it was ok. This book describes, at length, examples of perfectionism in body image, at work, at home, when parenting, and when making decisions. The also provides short descriptions of strategies to overcome perfectionist tendencies; but the descriptions are summary.
I thought this book would unpack more about strategies to overcome perfectionist tendencies rather than describing how to recognize perfectionism and how it can be harmful. Jun 27, shirley rated it liked it Shelves: The target audience for this book is the married woman with kids. Several examples are geared toward this audience. Chock full of coping mechanisms including mindfulness meditation, breathing exercises , thinking distortions negative thinking, catastrophysinng, black and white thinking , interpersonal skiils gender differences even time mannagement prioritizing.
Feb 24, Jgruninger rated it really liked it Shelves: This book is written to women who are likely perfectionists who live in a society that expects them to wear many hats including, wife, mother, friend, professional, housekeeper etc. The author is a psychologist and draws on her experiences to teach the idea that we should not expect perfection in all we do and find ways to be satisfied, and even happy, with what we can do.
The principles discussed are applicable to both genders and to people in most situations. If you are not married, there wil This book is written to women who are likely perfectionists who live in a society that expects them to wear many hats including, wife, mother, friend, professional, housekeeper etc. If you are not married, there will still be relationships we may be involved in and can use the ideas.
If we don't work outside the home full time, we can still learn from managing schedules and prioritizing. The idea that we can find happiness and satisfaction in what we do, despite the lack of perfection, is something I believe a lot more people need to implement. There were several lessons I was able to take away for myself and hopefully I can help someone else learn as well. It also will guide me toward being a little more tolerant of others realizing that they are most likely in the same boat as I am, trying my best and falling short from time to time or lots of times in my case.
Overall a good book, one which has universal ideas that could benefit a lot of people. Easy to read through as well. Jun 05, Kat rated it really liked it.
This book made me realize how much of a perfectionist I really am, and how much it has been affecting my life. I tend to have high standards, and although sometimes friends pick on me for this, I always thought it just meant I was aiming high, and that there's no harm in that. Even as a kid, when I would practice spelling, if I messed up a word out of an entire paper, I would crinkle up the paper and throw it away, because it wasn't perfect. In high school, my perfectionism played out well.
I usua This book made me realize how much of a perfectionist I really am, and how much it has been affecting my life. I usually lot 96's or above in every class, and graduated as salutatorian without ANY percieved stress. I just liked doing my best, and my best was perfect, and in high school perfect was attainable. Perfectionism helped me more than it hurt me.
However, in college, I've come to realize that perfectionism is slowly leading me to my demise. I want to do everything as well as it can be done -- perfectly -- but when you're attending Cornell University for engineering, that's almost an impossibility. There's only so many hours in a day, and only so long I can go without needing to have fun, and without balancing other parts of my life. The only way I think I can be "perfect" at academics now is to not have a social life, a spiritual life, an artistic, creative, adventurous life I would have to do only school work all the time.
And I tried that, and I just can't do it. I'm still recovering from the depression that's ensued as a part of that. And you'd think I'd have a killer GPA or something to show for it. MY GPA is actually lower than many of my friends, who are much more balanced. And I think my perfectionist extremism is a huge part of that. Instead of sitting down and doing an assignment and being happy with "good enough," I've become so anxious about "not doing it right" that I hardly ever BEGIN anything anymore.
I procrastinate until it's literally impossible to get the assignment done, much less done WELL, and I suffer the consequences. I'm so scared about doing an assignment "poorly" that I just procrastinate and procrastinate, and in the end not only is not not "perfect," it's not even halfway done in most cases. Perfectionism has caused me the deepest depression I've ever known in my life "I'll never be good enough. It's cost me time with my friends, anxiety, indescribable stress, days-long migraines, an extremely traumatized confidence in myself Although I used to see my perfectionism as a positive tool, I've realized just how much it's damaging my feelings of hope and self-worth.
This book helped me to realize that. It helped me to see just how truly psychotic many of my tendancies are, and the areas in which they show themselves for example, I'm much more perfectionist about my work than I am about how my house looks. It's also introduced me to some amazing tools to start "loosening up" and fighting back. And, hopefully, as a result, restoring faith in myself. The reason I did not give this book five stars is because I feel it focuses a bit too much on married women. I feel that men would not appreciate this book nearly as much as a woman would.
The book can come off as sometimes degrading towards men, which I did not care for. Also, I feel that many of the analogies made in the book to help describe a condition would not make sense to many men. Additionally, despite the fact that I am female, the author seems to continually assume you have a husband and refers to "your husband" and "your spouse" frequently, even in areas not regarding relationships.
Why not "your significant other? However, despite the focus being primarily married women, I still feel this book was tremendously helpful. Mar 24, Madison rated it liked it Shelves: This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
I liked this book a lot. Several passages really resonated with how I view myself and my life. People looking at my life might never peg me for a perfectionist. My home is always messy, my clothes comfortable, and my family is rarely on time.
But not so secretly I'd like to be. This book broke down life into different areas you are a perfectionist. Home, kids, relationships, work, etc. Obviously not all of them apply to everyone. That made the coping techniques she mentioned for each a bit redun I liked this book a lot. That made the coping techniques she mentioned for each a bit redundant. Is guilt fueling your perfectionism?