The Starter Marriage

---

The ad is too long.

The ad does not play. The ad does not inform my purchase. The video does not play. There is too much buffering.

5 signs you're in a starter marriage that may not stand the test of time

The audio is poor or missing. Video is unrelated to the product. Please fill out the copyright form to register a complaint. Share your thoughts with other customers. Write a customer review. Read reviews that mention paul divorce marriages married pamela young couples important culture phenomenon divorces understanding points expectations describes research saw emotional social younger. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. I found this to be a great book.

I don't think the book is perfect, and, as some other reviewers have pointed out, Paul can make some big jumps in her conclusions. So don't read this as a super-controlled scientific assessment which it isn't supposed to be anyway.

I found that the book wasn't anti-marriage or pro-marriage, but rather just touched up on a lot of the realities, myths, struggles, and ideas that Gen X and a little older and younger face when it comes marriage -- like how so many go into marriage with the subconscious expectation that it will make life complete or fix things that marriages just can't "fix. Secondly, I appreciated the feeling from the book that divorce can be okay, is sometimes better, but that sometimes a marriage just takes a little more work.

I was glad she made it clear that marriage has had too high of expectations hoisted upon it, that it is hard work, can be great, can be hard, and can be rewarding. She is legitimately hard on the "pro-marriage" camp that promotes marriage as the savoir of civilization and that advocates staying married at all costs.

If you want an anti-divorce book, this is not it. But if you want a fair treatment of many of the struggles that the twenty and thirty somethings face in trying to make a life with a partner, in the face of work, high expectations for marriage, our parents' marriages and divorces and a culture that sends amazingly mixed and strong messages about marriage, sex, and "success" this is a great place to start. Particularly for those thinking of getting married or struggling in the early years of a marriage, this might be particularly helpful to pique your thinking.

Marriage is so vital -- why do people treat it lightly? I recently saw author Pamela Paul on an old episode of the television show "Politically Incorrect" in which she was pitted against a man who was trying to sell marriage seminars based on his patented "three As". This, he felt, would get a relationship past financial difficulties, ethical differences, family opposition, health problems, loss of mutual attraction, or any other problems the world can dish out on a young marriage or that the couple can dish out on each other.

Pamela Paul knows better, and she cut this guy down in a sentence that had the audience laughing to tears. Her book describes the complex trends that have led to younger marriages in the United States and younger divorces. She confounds simplistic politics by simultaneously supporting marriage and divorce -- even quick divorce if that can minimize the damage to the people involved, and get them apart before they have kids. The "reviewer misses the point" review mentions a second important dichotomy in this book -- it is both rational and emotional. The book reveals massive research and an understanding of the deep hurt suffered by those who divorce young.

You can't help but wish them all better than they got. This is a fascinating book that I recommend to all. Paul has done extensive interviews with more than sixty individuals who have had what she terms "starter marriages"--marriages that end soon, within five years, and are without children. She sprinkles anecdotes from these interviews liberally throughout her book, and they are touching, poignant, and informative. Unfortunately the rest of her book doesn't live up to the anecdotes. Paul cobbles together facts and figures from a variety of sources without an in-depth exploration of what these facts and figures might mean.

She also often resorts to unsupported or dubiously supported assertions--for example, at one point she backs up an assertion that modern generations are increasingly impatient and unable to deal with change with the "factoid" that most people will not wait more than eight seconds for a web-page to load before going elsewhere. I found this a somewhat less than convincing support for her argument. Some have complained that Paul caricatures the pro-marriage movement, which I feel is an accurate criticism of her book, and she is also often inconsistent.

For example, she asserts that pre-divorce counseling programs will not stop divorce because her informants essentially felt that their marriage was all over but the paperwork from the time they decided on divorce, but elsewhere acknowledges that many of her informants, in retrospect, felt that their marriage could have been saved if they had worked harder at it, had more understanding of themselves and of marriage, or if they had had a more mature and realistic idea of what to expect from a relationship.

This suggests that good marriage counselling might have been able to save some of these starter marriages; after all, even Paul acknowledges that even the best relationships can go through periods where the partners are profoundly disillusioned with each other and the relationship and may be ready to call it quits. In summary, while this book has some good anecdotes, and offers some food for thought for anyone who is contemplating marriage, it is also oddly shallow, and often inconsistent and contradictory.

Of course, shallow as it is, it is still better than many books in the field a sad commentary on the state of the field!

David Kaufman

Just don't take it too seriously. This book is so good.. Don't find so much fault in yourselves if you had a yound marriage desolve.. See all 22 reviews. Most recent customer reviews. Published on May 31, Published on April 14, Published on December 6, Published on November 16, Published on August 10, Published on November 26, Published on October 30, Published on October 29, Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers.

Learn more about Amazon Giveaway. Really a wonderful book, more than easy to read, captivating for readers even new to chick lit. Nov 21, Hsiau Wei rated it it was ok Shelves: This book tells the story of Tess who struggle to overcome and accept the separation and betrayal from her husband found her lifeline when she attended a divorce survival class. The plot mainly focused on the members of the class; i. Each of this characters have their own story which i find it interesting. However, it is worth noting that the plot was rather slow and at times, it This book tells the story of Tess who struggle to overcome and accept the separation and betrayal from her husband found her lifeline when she attended a divorce survival class.

However, it is worth noting that the plot was rather slow and at times, it bored me and hence, i do admit that i actually skipped some pages to move it to the other part of the story. Apr 24, Kim rated it really liked it Shelves: I really enjoyed this one. Like another reviewer- I enjoyed the references to places around Birmingham. I read this enjoyable little story while on vacation. Goodreads didn't include the version of the paperback book that I read, and that's a shame. The version of The Starter Marriage shown would have never swayed me to pick it up impulsively with the lame, wispy flowers arranged to form an outlined, cloying heart on a dull, ecru background.

I picked my book impulsively from a Half Price Books bookstore because of it's compelling cover art. My version features the 90's ubiquitous magnetic poetry segments chunkily spelling out the title of the book an Goodreads didn't include the version of the paperback book that I read, and that's a shame. My version features the 90's ubiquitous magnetic poetry segments chunkily spelling out the title of the book and the author's name on a stainless steel refrigerator door.

Continuing with the magnet theme, there's a photo magnet of a typical, quaint bride-and-groom wedding cake topper and two more photo magnets of a dog and some roses combining to make a cool, filled in rose-heart shape. Put that together with the enticingly-titled The Starter Marriage, and you're on your way to an impulse purchase. I liked that The Starter Marriage knew exactly what kind of book it was going to be and never tried to become anything else.

The first sentence of the book tells about how Tess's husband was leaving Tess for his secretary. The whole story continues from that point on. Tess eventually goes to Divorce Survival Class, and most of the characters and the story's unfolding emerge from her class experiences. I never finished Sweet and Low because it got so tiresome, and I liked that The Starter Marriage just stayed true to its light, escapist, chick-lit roots. Sep 21, Babs rated it liked it. The book charts the life of Tess aka "Tip Top Tess" from her initial reaction to discovering her husband of 17 years is abandoning her for a curvier, younger model, through to the completion of the "Divorce Survival Class" she was forced into attending by a well meaning friend.

The book is scattered with interesting characters, from Tess' own friends through to her work colleagues and fellow "Divorce Survivors". If I had any criticism to make it would be that the love interest was a little con The book charts the life of Tess aka "Tip Top Tess" from her initial reaction to discovering her husband of 17 years is abandoning her for a curvier, younger model, through to the completion of the "Divorce Survival Class" she was forced into attending by a well meaning friend.

If I had any criticism to make it would be that the love interest was a little contrived. However, I guess that is the pitfall of this kind of chick-lit book, and overall the book is an engrossing read. Throughout the book I got the feeling that this would make a fabulous "made for TV" 2-part bank holiday special. The characters in the divorce group may need a little more depth, but the book examines a enough interesting themes dealing with the practicalities of divorce, with laughter and love as well, that I'm sure it would make great television.

The only question is who would play Tess? While I enjoyed the growth and change of the character in this book there were a few other aspects of the story that didn't sit so well with me. For one, the absolute pathetic desperation Tess felt when her husband left.

I understand that it was part of her character and that after seventeen years, sure, she's going to be hurt and depressed but HE cheated on HER. I just don't get how she could pine for him after he was such a For another thing, the mot While I enjoyed the growth and change of the character in this book there were a few other aspects of the story that didn't sit so well with me. I'm all for making the marriage work and for trying forgiveness Even with children to think about that's a bit much.

Of course, I realise I've never been in this situation and could never actually know how I would react. While this was an easy book to read, I did have some reservations about the main character. Her husband leaves her after several years of marriage and she falls apart understandably. She finds help with a support group for divorcees, a workshop if you like.

Customers who viewed this item also viewed

Her character develops well, but in the last third of the book, she meets another man and by he end planning on moving her life to his part of the country. Ok nothing wrong with that, except I felt that this was rather rushed, we don't see ho While this was an easy book to read, I did have some reservations about the main character. Ok nothing wrong with that, except I felt that this was rather rushed, we don't see how their relationship develops it is only hinted at.

Why did this have to happen anyway, she could have easily have developed into an independent woman and moved on that way, if you had to bring another character in, then at least develop it in the story itself. Apart from this, as I said earlier it was an interesting read, just disappointing at times. To be honest, I can't say that this was as good as it looked when I bought it While I enjoyed it whenever I picked it up, it wasn't really one I couldn't put down.

It took me ages to read, because I read it while I had nothing else to do - on the bus, on a break at work, etc, rather reading for an hour before bed, or choosing to read it over watching a film or something. If you contemplate taking this on holiday, then I say do it, cos by a pool, you'll have finished in a couple of days and it To be honest, I can't say that this was as good as it looked when I bought it If you contemplate taking this on holiday, then I say do it, cos by a pool, you'll have finished in a couple of days and it is a "nice" story, but if you're looking for something abit juicer, or with more of a plot, I'd recommend picking up something else.

Aug 07, LindyLouMac rated it it was ok. So much better than her previous novel 'Old School Ties' Journal entry one outlines the story of this bitter sweet read. I hope neither of my daughters ever have to go through what the heroine Tess has to! I have to say that I do not like the title of this book at all. Call me old fashioned but I find the phrase Starter Marriage in its self distasteful.

A different title may well have made the book seem more appealing? Apr 08, Mhairi Simpson rated it really liked it. I loved this book. What fascinated me as a writer was the use of POV: As a reader I loved how a large cast of characters was well developed through two different characters' points of view, and the variety of personal circumstances displayed through the cast was wonderfully detailed. I laughed out loud more or less once every two or three pages and I'm looking at the book now with a silly grin on my face.

Jan 13, Chana rated it it was ok Shelves: I think this came to me via a Little Free Library. After 17 years together Tess's husband leaves her for a younger woman who works in his office. Tess is devastated and non-functional for a few months. A friend suggests a divorce survival course.

The course proves helpful and by the time her husband realizes his mistake and wants her back she has realized that she doesn't want him back. She makes a lot of new friends and finds a new love interest. Jan 11, Sharon rated it liked it Shelves: I had read this before, but didn't remember it. It was one of those books, where even when you pick it up for the second time, you don't remember the whole plot. It just came back to me piece by piece.

The story of a suddenly divorced woman and her time in a divorce recovery group. Leavened by the other members of the group. I don't know why I read so many books about divorce. Just gloating, I guess? Jun 12, Celia rated it it was ok Shelves: I should have known from the set-up - a therapy class for divorcees - that this was going to be fairly trashy chick-lit, and yep, it was. I kind of liked our heroine for most of the story, particularly when she stood up to her ex, but most of the other characters were so cardboardy and stilted that it really spoilt the story for me. I hated the therapist dude.

I'd probably check out another one of Harrison's books, if I wanted something light to read, but I'd do it warily. I stole this book from Katweeble my sister on our family trip away and read it on the run up to christmas. It was a great book - I really enjoyed it despite it's slightly depressing subject of Marriage break-ups. What I really liked was all the refernces from places I know in Birmingham- Harborne, Hudsons, 5 ways, and my personal favourite, Bobby Browns and the dance floors on different levels. Jan 03, Nikki rated it liked it Shelves: I don't care for Harlequin romances, but once in a while I like to read something like this.

A woman finds love after a "starter marriage" doesn't work out. It's outside my own experience, so I'm sure I learn something about what others' lives are like, which is a lot of the reason to read any fiction.

Frequently bought together

Jun 29, Annelise rated it liked it. Pretty chick lit-ish for something in our collection. School teacher Tess has just been left by her husband for his curvy secretary. Her best friend convinces her to attend a divorce survival class. Not always the most believable plot, but it would certainly make for an entertaining British sitcom.

Feb 04, Kate Millin rated it really liked it. A book passed to me by Molyneux another book crosser on a ring - based in Birmingham and about Tip Top Tess who is going through a divorce. Some bits I recognised myself in, others irritated me, like the thought you are only ok if you go out to find another person straight away.

• Death, Taxes, & A Two-Song Set
• Gesundheitsvorsorge mit TCM: Philosophie – Krankheitslehre – Diagnostik – Therapie (German Edition)
• The Purchasing and Supply Managers Guide to the C.P.M. Exam
• TRAILBLAZING WITH GOD
• The Doctor & the Runaway Heiress (Mills & Boon Medical)
• Real Options and Intellectual Property: Capital Budgeting Under Imperfect Patent Protection: 587 (Le
• Late Modernity and Social Change: Reconstructing Social and Personal Life