Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home

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He also refused to take his Lithium despite his master's in clinical psychology , quit every job he could hold down in favor of his "art", and belittled her upbringing every chance he could get. The bipolar, bisexual hubby demanded that they do what he wanted to do, when he wanted to, while listening to the music he chose. Somehow, Janzen left and returned to this guy repeatedly. It is bizarre, then, that the book focused so much on tearing down her Mennonite family, all of whom are happily married and successful in their lives.

Janzen doesn't explore why she left the church, other than writing about her experience at a Presbyterian VBS where she discovered and was horrified by "groupthink" something I found hard to believe an elementary-school-aged kid would find troubling. Nevertheless, she left the church after going to a Mennonite college and hooked up with Mr. Wrong for the next 15 years. While visiting her parents, Janzen starts dating a great guy, but won't introduce him to her friends because he is Mennonite.

She can't imagine a future with him. This chick has serious problems and writing a memoir didn't solve them. She needs therapy and you need not read this book. View all 6 comments. Feb 04, Rachel rated it it was amazing Shelves: I don't often go for memoirs, but this one was of personal interest to me, and turned out to be really well done. Such as this passage about the conflict between the author's Mennonite upbringing and her professional career and adult life: Consider what happens when scholarhip and education expose many of the assumptions of organized religion as intellectually untenable.

Belief in literal angels, for instance, is something I am not prepared to endorse.

Yet I cannot deny the genuine warmth my mother seems to radiate -- indeed, that all these Mennonites seem to radiate. It's clear that this Mennonite community is the real deal. They really do try to practice what they preach. I love Mennonites, but I'm just not one, and I can't be, and for that I sometimes feel sorry. But it doesn't make me any less good of a person, and I'm happy to be who I am. I'm sure many people who have left the church of their upbringing feel similarly. Anyway, I loved reading about Janzen's messed-up life and enjoyed the way the story unfolded. The guide to Mennonites in the back of the book was super entertaining and informative, even for a Mennonite!

What if we're having babies to feel less lonely, more needed? This is one of those memoirs that came from the "Everyone has a story to tell" memoir fad. I don't love memoirs that seem to be the author writing to see the words in print sort of like people who talk to hear their own voices. Janzen has a talent for storytelling, but I didn't see much value in the story itself. Maybe I'm too far removed from the situation to appreciate the story.

The writing was fun and the book is an easy read. I hoped for something a little more. I understo This is one of those memoirs that came from the "Everyone has a story to tell" memoir fad. I understood the anger about her husband leaving her for a man and his bipolar issues, but I didn't feel any emotional healing. It's almost as if Janzen was afraid to tell her own story and relied on her family's quirks to get her through the book.

This book had so much potential, but was mostly a let down.

Review: 'Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home' by Rhoda Janzen

The funniest bits were the blurb on the back, the first scene, and an epilogue written for the P. The rest of Rhoda Janzen 's memoir are largely disjointed, meandering reminiscences, some of which are mildly amusing and few of which are cohesive. This novel was not disjointed enough to be considered a series of short writings on a theme, like Me Talk Pretty One Day or A Wolf At The Table , yet it was too episodic and meandering This book had so much potential, but was mostly a let down.

This novel was not disjointed enough to be considered a series of short writings on a theme, like Me Talk Pretty One Day or A Wolf At The Table , yet it was too episodic and meandering to feel like a narrative. This book was confused, much like Janzen's feelings after her borderline-abusive husband leaves her immediately after a near-fatal car accident for a man he met online, and she is forced to return to her childhood home and the Mennonite community. Janzen tells some cute anecdotes which largely serve no purpose and teach you little about her, her family or the Mennonite community.

While memoirs are all written from the angle of looking back, this one had no momentum forward, which made it feel tired, stale and unfocused. Which is really too bad because I suspect Janzen has some good stories to tell in there, somewhere. Aug 04, Lisa rated it it was ok Shelves: This book does not live up to its description on the back cover or its blurb on Goodreads--it is hardly a "moving memoir" and is certainly not in the same class as Ann Lamott's or even Nora Ephron's work. The author, after living in "the world" for many years.

Janzen's comparisons of the Mennonite way of life to more mainstream American culture are interesting. The book h This book does not live up to its description on the back cover or its blurb on Goodreads--it is hardly a "moving memoir" and is certainly not in the same class as Ann Lamott's or even Nora Ephron's work. The book has its moments of humor--one episode of the year-old Janzen meeting a year-old grandson of a friend for a date is laugh-out-loud funny.

However, there is much too much of the vulgar and unrefined in the book, even if that's "the way things really were"--the writing doesn't have to reflect "reality" blow-by-blow or repeatedly. And while Janzen makes an effort to be respectful of the faith of her childhood, she seems somewhat disrespectful of her parents at times. The appendix in the back of the book that explains briefly the history of the Mennonites and how they differ from the Amish is interesting.

They went their separate ways in the s, because the Mennonites were too liberal, which should elicit a chuckle. This one isn't really worth it, in my opinion. Janzen, who holds a Ph. This was in , mind you. Granted, these gloves were wondrously conceived: It was just the kind of witty sartorial gesture that a dandified socialite might affect, very Oscar Wilde, if Oscar Wilde would have ditched the lily and firmed up the tummy and got full-sleeve tats designed by the famed Los Angeles artist Bob Roberts.

I wish there was a star rating that meant "I laughed out loud several times, had to look up a few words in the dictionary, and regularly swore I could hear the voice of one of my dearest friends narrating to me from this warm, welcoming, funny, painful, strange familiar story". Or maybe, to paraphase the words of Steve Martin, something along the lines of "it reached down, grabbed my heart and squoze it. Jul 05, Lara Lillibridge rated it it was amazing Shelves: I started reading this on Kindle, but switched to Audible so I didn't have to put it down!

Smartly written and often funny memoir about life after divorce as well as life in a minority religion. My only criticism is that a small primer on Mennonites which is provided at the end would have been helpful at the beginning. It's not without its issues but overall I found it to be an entertaining read and I adore this woman's mother - who wouldn't!?

Perhaps that's the grace of the book, seeing the author's obvious love for her family even though you know that something must have been so grating to Janzen that she so vigorously left the faith and structures of her youth behind. Janzen has a finely-honed talent for academic snark, always amusing, and tells a great story. The description of a family soup dinner with four different conversations going on practically had me in tears: But … but but but. The book raised issues for me that kept poking out from beneath the surface; I wanted to recommend a good therapist to her throughout most of the reading and the laughing.

She very amusingly dances around the roles we women create for ourselves in our relationships, and specifically about how she has approached her relations with men. That may be why this review turned out so bitchy. I expected and thoroughly enjoyed her shots at her Ex, especially given the financial circumstances of the divorce although the 'Bob' factor from gay. Heck, who doesn't love a good Ex-trouncing once in a while! Oddly, some readers apparently expected to learn about Mennonite-ism from this book: What I questioned through the laughing though was why Janzen chose to stay in a marriage that didn't seem to be working for her.

She appeared to have formed a far more passive role for herself in her 'atheist' marriage than she'd have had in a traditional Mennonite marriage, and she stuck with it as if divorce wasn't an option. She seemed totally subordinate in her marriage and very willing to blame it all on being Mennonite. She "couldn't" hum hymns while she house-cleaned? How did he know they were hymns? My faith group doesn't sing, I wouldn't recognize a hymn from a folksong for the most part, especially Mennonite hymns.

I understand the urge for freedom to pursue scholarship but she apparently made a youthful relationship mistake and never, what, realized it? Dealt with it, obviously. She seemed to deal with marital issues by creating what she assumed a 'good' marriage would be, based on a Mennonite child's perceptions perhaps, and then locked herself into it with blinders on. I was left wondering if she'd ever dated many non-Menno men after she'd freed herself from what were, for her, the constraints of faith, and also what her more mature position on that faith might be.

Also, in the Extras section where she answers 'questions,' she disingenuously doesn't answer, instead using it as an opportunity to continue with her Snark of Academia narrative mode: Question What's up with the head coverings that so many Mennonite women wear? Janzen My question exactly … I suspect that head coverings are just cheaper than hair products. Funny, but as a Yearly Meeting Quaker with cousins who still keep plain i. Same reason that persons , not just women, of any faith wear head coverings Nov 08, Judy rated it really liked it. Warning to all readers--do not, repeat, do not read this book while sitting in front of a class of college students who are taking an exam.

My history students kept looking up from their exams every time I burst out laughing, and the occasional snorts caused a few of them to put their fingers up to their lips and shush, yes, actually shush me. They had better watch that finger body language with me. This is a very funny book about some very unfunny subjects. Rhoda Janzen, who teaches creative wr Warning to all readers--do not, repeat, do not read this book while sitting in front of a class of college students who are taking an exam.

Rhoda Janzen, who teaches creative writing at Hope College in Holland, Michigan and who was the poet laureate of California in both and , was married for 15 years to a charming, emotionally abusive husband who announced one morning that he was leaving her for a man named Bob who he had met on gay. He moves out leaving her with a fabulous lake front house with an equally fabulous mortgage.

Six days later, she is in a major car accident and, feeling as if she has plumbed the depths, Janzen decides to take a semester off and move back in with her parents in California. Did I mention that Janzen was raised in a Mennonite community? As she put it, he was like the Mennonite Pope, but in sandals, socks, and plaid shorts. Janzen admits that when she left home for college, she put behind her the teachings of the Mennonite Church and entered into secular society with wild abandon. In fact, her husband you remember, he's now with Bob from gay. What she finds when she drags her bruised soul and body back home is that the Mennonite community embraces her with both open arms and some distinctly odd advice.

At age 43, Rhonda Janzen discovers that sometimes you are forced to go back before you are able to move forward. This is a wonderful memoir and ultimately Janzen tells an uplifting story.

KIRKUS REVIEW

I was disappointed with this but to be fair, it was partly because I thought it was going to be something it wasn't. I expected to learn about the Mennonite religion and community in a serious way along with the jokes, but that didn't happen. Even in the appendix where there is a section on Mennonite history there was very little that I didn't already know, and I'm not exactly knowledgeable on the subject.

But enough of what this isn't. What it is, is an irreverent look at Rhoda Janzen's family a I was disappointed with this but to be fair, it was partly because I thought it was going to be something it wasn't. What it is, is an irreverent look at Rhoda Janzen's family and relationships, including her recently broken marriage to a non-Mennonite guy with bipolar disorder who has left her for another man.

When I say 'irreverent' I mean that literally - she pokes fun at virtually anything that others revere. Another word for it, if you were feeling less generous, might be 'bitchy'. Some parts are funny, but most of the time there is an undertow of bitterness. Some of that is related to her marriage but it seems like a lot goes further back. She is particularly tough on Mennonite women, having left the Mennonite way of life herself.

Her mother, mother's friends, sisters-in-law I couldn't tell if this was a question of permissions presumably they read a draft and you can imagine that her mother might have allowed herself to be used in this way, while the men might stand on their dignity or whether Rhoda Janzen had a hangup about being a woman criticizing men. I felt real pain for her mother being exposed like this, even though she does come across as an amazing woman.

It's just a pity that Rhoda Janzen is still acting like the year-old who has to claim to despise everything that her mother does, even while she obviously loves her.

A very, very funny memoir, especially towards the beginning. Her life in free-fall after her husband of fifteen years leaves her for a man he met on Gay. Janzen goes home to live with her Mennonite parents. At 43, Janzen had strayed from her conservative upbringing: So when she gets post-divorce dating advice from her mother that involves dating her first cousin Waldemar, I laughed. He drives a tractor and has a good work ethic. As I read, I wasn't sure how Janzen pulled off some of the descriptions of her family without alienating all of them. Of her mother the hands-down star of the book , she writes, "Besides being born Mennonite, which is usually its own beauty strike, my mother has no neck.

When we were growing up, our mother's head, sprouting directly from her shoulders like a friendly lettuce, became something of a family focus. And a very generous spirit. If the pile of books next to your bed is stacked high, this one probably does not need to move to the top of the heap. That is, unless you need a good mid-life-crisis laugh. If so, move it to the top. Jan 30, Katie rated it it was ok. This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. It was a bit amusing, but not what I hoped for.

In similar fashion to "Eat, Pray, Love" whose author E. Her husband of 15 years left her for a gay man, then she got in a pretty serious car wreck. Sad, but then towards the end of the book, she lets you know that from the beginning of their relationship she knew her husband was bisexual, and bipol It was a bit amusing, but not what I hoped for.

Sad, but then towards the end of the book, she lets you know that from the beginning of their relationship she knew her husband was bisexual, and bipolar, and they had already been married and divorced, and remarried. So she was not as blindsided as I originally thought. Then she mentions more than once that she went to her parents to write this book, explaining that it was hard for her dad to leave her alone while she worked She didn't have an epiphany of self or something, she just went home to her quirky parents because, IMO, it made for a good title for the book she already planned to write.

She doesn't actually return to her Mennonite roots, per say. She spends most of her time talking about how awful it was to grow up Mennonite and making fun of her parents, though she is quick to remind us she loves them. Not inspirational, not motivational, and I'm a little ticked that I bought this at the airport for a 5 hour flight, so she made some money off of me. Jul 14, Linda C. In the beginning we learn of Rhoda's surgery and tragic car accident. Then we learn of her failed marriage to the bipolar and really wacko Nick, who dumps her for Bob from Gay.

Supposedly she goes home to her Mennonite roots to convalesce. Only the problem with the whole thing is that I never had a clear sense of where Rhoda actually was during this time. Were there some absolutely belly laugh funny moments. Her stoic parents and stories about lunch pails and long skirts were delightfu In the beginning we learn of Rhoda's surgery and tragic car accident. Her stoic parents and stories about lunch pails and long skirts were delightful. They seemed to move back and forth through time and place so that I never really knew where exactly they happened or what prompted her memory of them.

She's cooking in her mother's kitchen and then she's back to work teaching living in her Michigan lake house. All in all the story was very disjointed and lacked any kind of transition. I rate this story a 2 out of 5, not because the story didn't show some promise. It lacked flow and transition and left me feeling out of sorts. Sep 28, Wanda rated it did not like it. This book, by Rhoda Janzen, seems to inspire accolades or thumbs down. A quick look at Amazon will find little in between. Sadly, I am in the latter group. After a great beginning in which the author draws the reader in, it falls flat on its face.

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It was a struggle to finish, it was that boring. Supposedly this is the story of a ish woman who is a Mennonite non practicing whose husband leaves her for a guy whom he meets on Gay. She has had major surgery from which she recovers and during This book, by Rhoda Janzen, seems to inspire accolades or thumbs down. She has had major surgery from which she recovers and during which he was a prince, but now she is alone and is involved in a major car accident.

She goes home to her strict Mennonite family to retreat from her psychic pain and lick her wounds. This could be cute. And there are some cute spots -- unfortunately unlike the publisher reviews state, they are not hilarious. I actually found some of the potty humor somewhat juvenile. Who would tell the world that their mother emits world class farts.

I mean really -- this is pre-adolescent boy humor. The book is disjointed and unevenly written. Don't waste your money. This book was a HOOT! I want to hang out with Rhonda, maybe her mom will adopt me. Nov 18, Claire M. Any book that opens with the author having to undergo a hysterectomy has me hooked. I had one and nothing says ma soeur like matching scars. Janzen fills this memoir with many references to dishes that are particular to Mennonite culture.

My mothe Any book that opens with the author having to undergo a hysterectomy has me hooked. In addition, she has a mother that sounds a lot like my mother. And yes, my family have the same sort of inbred discussions that she has at her family table: So much of this memoir I connected with on a fundamental level. Clearly this writer is smart and adept at writing. I feel the need to say this because, alas she uses that construction as well; how much we have in common in terms of style is a little creepy , good writing is in short supply these days.

The snippets glide and out of the general story and by the end of the book, by golly, you know a ton about Mennonite culture. This is shockingly hard to do, and I very much appreciated the skill it took to not make it seem like Mennonite 1A. Yes, this book is funny, witty, and well written. This book scored many points as I chuckled through paragraph after paragraph and yet.

It starts off the hysterectomy. The admittedly difficult husband proves to be quite adept at dealing with ensuing medical nightmares, only to abandon her for another man. The joke about her getting dumped by her husband for another guy gets far too much play, especially when we realize three-quarters of the way through the book that this husband had a sexual relationship with another man before they were married. At that point all those previous tee hees about gay. Post dump she spends her sabbatical with her parents. The disconnect between the humor and the reality in this book creates a gap that the author has trouble filling.

We have many pages devoted to lovely and funny family interaction during this sabbatical.

As the memoir progresses, however, the previous humorous asides on the husband cannot hide how toxic this marriage was. I came away wondering, why did you abandon these charming people for that asshole? Because it was obvious that while married she must have lived a compartmentalized life, visiting her family without the uber controlling, disapproving, judgmental Nick.

As the novels progresses, the ugly truth about her marriage arrives in drips and drabs. I suppose it was because he offered an escape. Someone who would support her determined quest that was in flagrant opposition to everything her Mennonite culture championed. It was also someone who reinforced the strict hierarchical, paternal construct she grew up with. A story about a woman who is caught between two worlds destined to collide, the collateral damage a given.

Only once is there a scene where her lack of faith and chosen lifestyle is an issue, and that's with brothers that she admits are practical strangers. I think that since faith is such a driving force in her immediate family that less effort might have been paid to the lying about being allergic to raisins versus being an agnostic with a father who she acknowledges is the Mennonite equivalent of the Pope.

I was born and raised Mennonite in rural Illinois. Some of what Janzen writes about is very familiar to me and other parts are new. For those who don't know, Mennonite churches have a history of creating offshoot congregations. People have parted ways over something as small as wearing buttons on shirts. I have traced my family roots back to the pre-Revolutionary War. Many Mennonites arrived from Germany and settled in Pennsylvania, then moved to Ohio, Indiana and Illinois is search of new farmland.

While there are similarities, there are also differences. By the time I was born a couple of decades before Janzen, my parents and grandparents no longer spoke German. Her father was a minister and professor. Mine was simple farmer and carpenter. We are similar in that we both rejected the Mennonite church and its teachings at a young age. With the above disclaimer in mind, let me say that this book is not really about being Mennonite or even about discovering that one's husband is bisexual.

These concepts form more a frame for marketing the book than for the content. This book is about family relationships.

The tone of the book is post-modern, tongue-in-cheek, in-your-face sarcasm. Janzen has a biting sense of humor and able to put people in their place with her sarcastic wit. Her mother Mary, a nurse, plays a strong role in the book while her father, an important figure in the Mennonite church, is barely mentioned except in passing. I suspect she changed names and places to protect the guilty.

On the point of her abusive husband leaving her for a gay man, she admits midway through the book that she knew her husband was bisexual before she married him. He had a serious relationship with a man as well as a woman before marrying her. I quote from page What you should do and shouldn't do, that kind of thing. I will insist that they read it.

Because simply put, this is the most delightful memoir I've read in ages. Janzen has a gift for following her elegant prose with the perfect snarky aside. If it weren't for the weird Mennonite food, I would like very much to be her friend. Rhoda Janzen is the author of Babel's Stair , a collection of poems. Would you like to tell us about a lower price? If you are a seller for this product, would you like to suggest updates through seller support? Learn more about Amazon Prime. Read more Read less. Add both to Cart Add both to List. One of these items ships sooner than the other.

Buy the selected items together This item: Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: Ships from and sold by Amazon. Customers who viewed this item also viewed. Page 1 of 1 Start over Page 1 of 1. A Memoir of Faith, Hope, and Love. A novel Vintage Contemporaries. Sponsored products related to this item What's this? Insight Guides Southeast Asia. A gorgeously funny, romantic and seductive modern fairy-tale. Chariot on the Mountain. Jean Grainger Box Set: Set in WW2, and 's Cork. If you miss Maeve Binchy you'll love this. My People, the Amish: What Will Be Will Be: The Carmel Sheehan Series Book 3.

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The video does not play. There is too much buffering. The audio is poor or missing. Video is unrelated to the product. Please fill out the copyright form to register a complaint. A Novel of Pioneer Michigan. Why did she "respect" and "admire" her bridegroom but later change the words to "detest" and "abhor? Share your thoughts with other customers.

Write a customer review. Read reviews that mention funny janzen rhoda humor mennonites parents mother community laugh loud woman culture marriage faith sense accident upbringing roots finish bob. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. An amusing book of a woman's experiences as a Mennonite and her initial rebellion and escape to her acceptance of her past and her family's value system.

Her sarcasm is humorous and witty and clever albeit acerbic and I found the first half of the book more interesting and enjoyable than the latter part. It can probably be attributed to the fact that it became increasingly serious as she became more introspective and self-aware.

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There are several giggle aloud passages but underlying all of her reasons to deny her past she truly has true respect for it and her Mennonite family and roots. There is an interesting and informative historical addition at the end of the book about the Mennonites. My little sister called and told me I had to get this book. So I did, and she was so right.

We have a Mennonite heritage, and I could swear that Janzen has been lurking in the background at our family gatherings because she is so spot on with the family dramas, the banter, and the food, oh the food. When I was reading the book yesterday, my son actually had to ask if there was something wrong with me- apparently looking over at Mom sitting on the couch, writhing as if in pain, with tears streaming down her face, is cause for concern. Honestly, I was just trying to keep it in, not wanting to explain to a teenage boy why I was laughing until I howled. Sorry kid, Mom doesn't want to talk it.

It's a little inappropriate. Bottom line, Janzen's voice in the book comes through clearly, if a bit raw at times, in a fast, enjoyable, pithy read. She's a very relatable author, an everywoman who's foibles are identifiable for the rest of us. I'll definitely be buying her other books after I finish this one. Now excuse me- she's got me in the mood for whipping up a batch of zweibach.

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